SATIRE

I did it! Smite me! Oh yeah, that’s right, You can’t. You don’t have a lightning bolt or a hammer. You just have the pudgy little fingers of a dude name Dave who’s sitting on the couch in his mom’s basement typing out Your little daily drivels on Twitter.


Fake Dave

That’s right! I found You…God. No longer can You hide out in Dave. You have been exposed for the fraud You are. A god, You claim to be, when really You’re just a supernatural parasite squatter who feeds off the hopes, desires, and dreams of human beings.

You need us more than we need You which is evident by those constant mitch fits You throw on Twitter just to get attention. You know what I’m talking about. All of that whining and complaining about creating us, needing to find a new universe, and being a closet alcoholic.

I mean, what deity do you know of who whines like a pampered little girl as much as God does? You’re the “Creator Dude” so take responsibility for Your creation. Fix it. Make it better instead of constantly whining to Your “creation” about how they should do more to make You look like You.

Just tell me this one thing, have you ever heard about Henry Ford complaining about how the Model T wouldn’t do more to make him look good?

You haven’t because Henry Ford had sense enough to know that he was the engineer whose job it was to fix the Model T and not the Model T’s job to fix itself for him. What kind of hibbiemoju would that be?! Model T fix your brakes, fix the exhaust pipes, fix your engine.

And God I know what You’re thinking: “A Model T is a machine, not a human being. Plus, I gave you all free will so that you can fix yourselves.”

You’re God, the original engineer! “Sayeth and Thou will shall be done,” is what You always say. Oh yeah, that’s right, You can’t sayeth so that Thou will shall be done because You don’t have Your own body with Your own mouth to sayeth the words from.

What’s it call?!...uh...Transubstantiation! That’s it, transubstantiation! Unlike Thor and all the other gods who have their own bodies, You’re bodiless. Dude, You can’t do anything without transubstantiating Yourself into us.

Just face it, God, You need us humans in order to exist which is evident by You’re squatting out in Dave’s body so that You can get You’re little daily drivels out onto the Twitter platform that we humans created. Yeah God, You’re nothing without us humans.

Oh well, sucks for You God! I mean, Dave! Sucks for you, Dave!